This constant dilemma (or maybe not)

Recently, I find myself in this constant dilemma; SMUN vs. Chingay. At times, it gets really tough choosing between either one of them, because I know that both mean a lot to me. Yet, I find myself constantly putting SMUN priorities over Chingay. I know the reasons why, and I’m not afraid to mention them. How I’ve yearned to be in the Secretariat and chairing ever since my first SMUN/MUN experience, and how mistakes from the past make me want to make SMUN 2014 the best there ever was. The list goes on.

Yet, from a more rational point of view, Chingay will be over by February. I should be focusing on that first. Take a step back, and looking at the bigger picture – I have less to worry about Chingay – there are 5 other hall heads. And even though we focus on different things, it won’t be the end if I choose to focus a little less. And thus, this cycle ends up repeating itself – I put in less and less effort, which results in more time channeled towards SMUN. I have so much more in the world of MUNs – I’ve made so many friends there, I’ve traveled the world, I’ve grown in a multitude of ways. This is not to say that Chingay hasn’t given me any friends, in fact my closer friendships in hall were forged over Chingay 2013; it is not to say that Chingay hasn’t made me grow – it is just that I have so much more connection to MUN, a lot more than Chingay. And never did I ever expect to feel this way back then when I accepted this post. How wrong I was, hur?

As usual, I’m to blame. For taking on more responsibilities than I can. (Yes, y’all can continue nagging – go on, go on…. -.-) But if I don’t do Chingay, (or any hall stuff for that matter) – I’ll lose my hall stay in the next academic year. But if I don’t do SMUN now, then when? Nights (or mornings, LOL) like these make me re-prioritise, and make me reflect on the many things happening. Maybe I can’t settle for less, maybe I just can’t settle for a mundane university life.

Sigh.

I guess I should get back to my IPSEA essay soon. In slightly more than a week for now, I’ll have two essays due over the span of two days. And on those two days, I’ll have two important presentations to make. I’m bloody tired, gosh. I’m halfway through my IPSEA essay, which has small paragraphs scattered everywhere – and my argument sounds like it’ll shoot itself. Haven’t started on my PA in Asia essay yet, I’m actually still deciding on the topic with slightly more than a week left to finish everything. At least I’ve started preparing for my PSOB presentation, and ADMM will have to wait (I’ll do it later – I swear!)

I guess…I’m just kinda tired now. I need a rest day – I really need some me-time.